I <3 Moms
When you’re pregnant, especially with your first, everyone and their mom loves to tell you how things will be. “Oh just wait til…” “Oh get your sleep now…” “Life will never be the same…” “Make sure you do blah blah blah…” etc etc. People give you advice in all shapes and sizes, whether you asked for it or not (mostly not). This should’ve been a clue/red flag/lightbulb indicating how much MORE advice I would get once baby was actually outside the womb.
I really had no clue how much judgment would be passed on me once I became a mom. NO idea. People come out of the woodwork to give an opinion, a judgment, a comment. About anything and everything….this is a TINY snippet of the topics people have attempted to give me advice on: are you breastfeeding or giving formula, are you and husband taking turns getting up at night, when are you going back to work, disposable or cloth diapers, plastic or glass bottles, what sleep training method are you using, do you let them “cry it out”, when are you giving baby first solid food, what solid food will that be, how will you discipline and when will that start, why isn’t your child talking yet, why aren’t they walking yet, why aren’t they sleeping with blankets and pillow, why are you laying her on her back, how often are you reading to baby, does baby get enough social time, does baby sleep in their own bed, does baby have a routine, does baby get vaccinated and why or why not, baby has a fever why don’t you do something, baby is crying – why don’t you feed them, baby hasn’t pooped in 2 days – they must be constipated why aren’t you doing anything, baby has a bruise what happened……on and on and on and on.
It’s disheartening and discouraging. People see tiny moments, fleeting glimpses of my relationship with my daughter and feel they know the whole story. I’ve gotten it from family, friends and from total strangers. It’s not continuous, mind you, but it happens often enough that it makes me wonder why people feel the need to make such comments. Yes I’m an anal mom, yes I research things, yes safety is HUGE, yes I worry. I’M A MOM.
Where are the encouraging words, the supportive hugs, the kind smiles? Why are certain people bent on casting smug, assuming looks whilst giving me their two cents? Does it make them feel better about themselves? Why the need to kick the mom? The tired-eyed, empty-stomached, bladder-full-of-pee, heart-full-of-love MOM. The mom who is doing her absolute best. The mom who’s constantly eating cold meals because she’s gotta make sure baby eats first, the mom who misses out on the “grown up” conversations because she’s busy singing “Itsy Bitsy Spider” for the 800th time in a row, the mom who’s hands are dry and worn from all the baths and diaper changes and hand washing, the mom who doesn’t know what a weekend is because every day with a baby/toddler looks the same, the mom who will make an absolute fool of herself just to hear that sweet baby giggle, the mom who has to work that much harder at a relationship with her husband because the kids sap all her energy, the mom who hasn’t showered in 4 days because there really, truly and honestly isn’t time (and when there is, she’s too tired to even shower). Mom’s who live this mom life 24 hrs a day, 7 days a week, 365 days a year for the rest of their lives. Yet you feel the need to judge, make snide comments, give your unwanted two cents, debate, gossip.
Mostly I just stay quiet, hide my hurt and annoyance from these people and pray for God to give me love towards them. I’m sure they mean well. Sometimes those mom’s whos kids are grown forget what it was like to be a new mom. Maybe those people without kids are just trying to find a way to relate to me? Maybe they feel insecure and it comes out in know-it-all form? I don’t know. I can stress all I want about it, but the truth is, nobody knows my gal like I do, nobody has her best interest at heart more than I do. No matter what people may say or think, she’ll always be mine and I’ll always be hers. My sweet little bundle.